Enjoying Life

I think finally after all these months of this deployment, I finally have a routine and am content. This being said simply due the fact that today was the first morning I was NOT late to church since my move in August:) Not really, but it did make me feel good.
We are almost HALF way through this "growing" time and I am grateful for that. But I am becoming even more grateful for the lessons being learned.

I smile because my girls continue to blossom and surprise me daily.
I am burdened that I have made several commitments or started projects that I have not stuck with or are unfinished.
But I am excusing myself because I always take on too much.

I have learned that:
I REALLY look forward to Monday's.

it is nothing more that imperative that I follow God's lead when it comes to where I am supposed to be, even if it not the "cool" choice.

my job is not to be a mother and father to my children in my husband's absence, instead is to be the best mother I can be. And ask for help when needed.

my girls are loved by so many. It is really breathtaking.

I can stand on my own, when necessary.

home is really where the heart is.

I have some of the greatest friends and family.
I really really value my time without my children.
I really really love the time I have with my children:)
I love my husband more with each breath I take.

I am beginning to realize that I think I do enjoy school. I know, hard to believe, but I believe it keeps me sane, and learning.
I have learned that I am a strong woman, commited wife and the best mom I know how to be.

This "season" has been tough. The hardest time for me thus far. But as I have had to remind myself 2 times before, I will say it again: for some reason God believed I was strong enough to do this AGAIN. So I will and I have...and I am still alive.

love this quote

"Don't kiss your child so they will kiss you back,

kiss them so they will kiss their children,

and their children will kiss their children's children"

(this quote was on my starbucks cup)

Jesus Take the Wheel!

Although it is not real obvious from the outside, music plays a big role in my life. Not just the idea of music and the particular artist, but instead the words of the song. I typically know right away if I am going to like a song or not depending on the first few words...if I feel connected to those words, than I will give the song the respect it deserves and listen. I tend to take the words very literally. I am drawn to music that relates to me at that particular time and place in my life. And often I will listen to a hand full of songs over and over just because I feel they give me comfort.
I am sure many of you have heard Jesus Take the Wheel by Carrie Underwood. I have heard it many times and it is a good song, my little sisters favorite as a matter of fact. The thing that drew me to this song originally was the fact that it was country, and I have to admit, I enjoy most country songs. But that it not what brought me back to this song today. Instead it was the title "Jesus Take the Wheel".
I think there comes in time in most peoples lives where it is time to step outside yourself and start living for him. I am not necessarily talking about the time when you give your life over to Jesus, although this should definatly be apart of it. I am instead talking about a time when you love Jesus, you have a great relationship with Him, but then you realize all along, you have been living for yourself.
I think I have come to that point. I am confident in my relationship with Him, trust Him with my life, and know where I will spend eternity. But, I have been spending my time here on Earth doing what I wanted, or thought I was supposed to be doing. Making decisions for myself (or my family) based on what I thought was supposed to be the right ones...because they were what I wanted of course. And then tonight I realized, this is not what Christ asks of me. He asks for me to trust him 100% in everything, ask him for assitance when needed, and believe that he will provide. I think I knew these things all along, just never really admitted it, guess they would have got in the way of what I wanted.
It feels nice to just let it all go and let Jesus take the wheel.

i just miss him

Mark has been gone almost 2 months now. Somedays it seems like it is just flying by, other days I wonder if the day is ever gonna end. When Mark has been deployed in the past, he has always left in the Spring, therefore once Christmas came around, I was mentally and emotionally preparing for his return. This time is different. He will not be home anytime soon. I have to get through another Thanksgiving, Christmas, our Wedding Anniversary, Valentines Day, Emma's 1st Birthday, His Birthday, Easter, the whole Summer, and Jillian's 4th Birthday, before he will be home again. I really look forward to most holidays, but this year I am really not. The one person I want to be here with me during these special times will not be. I don't want to do this on my own. I don't like having to do the whole holiday thing without him. I want him to be here on Christmas Eve to read the Christmas story and wear goofy pajamas. I want him to be here on Christmas morning and watch the girls open their gifts. I want him to be here to put the new toys and gadgets together (he is the only one OCD enough to follow directions:) I just want him here. It sucks, and I am really hating it. I don't want to be expected to just be ok because it is almost over, I want it to be over and I know soon it will be. But it's not yet and he is missing out. Jillian is missing out. Emma is missing out. I am missing out. I am tired of this sacrifice. My heart is aching so much right now...I just want to see his face, I want the girls to see their daddy. I want to see his face when Emma says Daddy. I want this to be over. I just want to go to sleep, let all the holidays and special moments pass by, and then I want to wake up to welcome him home.