He's FINALLY Home

The deployment is finally over and Mark is home! God is Good!

The girls and I could not be more grateful to have our hero home, safe and sound.

Although the year was long and tough, watching him and hundreds of other soldiers walk through the doors to their familes was worth every tear. The pride you feel when you finally see your husband, the father of your children, a U.S. Soldier whom has put his life on the line for the 3rd time, finally come home...there are no words.

The day Mark left last year I called my friend Kim and asked if she would be there to photograph his homecoming. We have been through this two times before, but knew this would be the last time and we have two young children now, I want them to see this and remember what their daddy did for them, their country. Thank you Kim for the AMAZING pictures, I could not have asked for better memories from this day.

Changes

School is going well and I have been preparing to start my internship in August.

I signed Jillian up for soccer and pre-K for the Fall.

Emma...well she just keeps growing:)

Mark has been preparing for his return home and living with some friends in Colorado until his enlistment ends in Dec/Jan.

Then, I had a change of heart.

4 days ago Jillian, Emma, Elizabeth and Myself took the long trek back to Colorado Springs, CO.

I will continue with school here, probably.

Jillian may or may not play soccer or start pre-K.

And Emma will continue to grow.

As for Mark, he will be home in a few weeks and we will be here to welcome him home!

And we will be here each and everyday after that.

Change is a good thing.

Feeling Anxious

Mark will "unofficially" end his career with the Army as of January 29, 2010. I am very nervous for that day.

I am a planner and sometimes that really tends to get in the way. I am scared to death of leaving the Army and not really knowing what the future holds for us.
We have two options at this point (well actually come December, but either way).

He can stay in the Army another 4 years, choose a new job and see where that takes us. (Probably not back to Colorado, just so you CO people know:) In the meantime our family will have to be seperated at least another 6 months as I finish school here in TX next May. There is always the possiblity of deployment, which at this point seems to be the deterring factor. (In case you haven't noticed, we haven't exactly had good luck in that area).

Then there is the option of seeking employment. Saying goodbye to the Army life, no more deployments, our family can finally be together for good.

The choice seems easy, but really, it seemed much easier 15mo ago when it didn't feel like someone had as much chance of winning the lottery then getting and keeping a job. Ok, well maybe not that hard, but really what do I know. I am not currently looking for a job, so I really don't know how hard it is. I just know it is a difficult choice.

I want to stay here, finish school and work here. And in a couple of years build on our land. But then I wonder if that is what is really in the plans. Is this what we are supposed to do?

It seems like this decision is one of the hardest we will have to make. We are at a point where we are DONE with the military. We have delt with enough (3 deployments in 6 years). But I guess this is part of War.

I have been praying for months about this decision. Assuming God would place a big blinking neon sign pointing to the correct direction. Either I am going the wrong way and just haven't seen the sign (and I promise, I am looking), or it just isn't there. I am beginning to think it is the later. But again, what do I know.

I am sure no one else has the answers for us, I am sure everyone want's to see us do what makes us happy, or what is right for our family. That's what I want to.

AAAWWWWWWWWW! Just needed to get that off my chest.

A little bit of rest and relaxation

Mark arrived home 2 weeks ago for his R&R. We were so excited to finally have him home, if only for a short while.
Jillian was ecstatic and Emma was unsure. After only a short while daddy was covered in hugs and kisses by all of his girls.

During his visit we all stayed pretty busy, but we had a ton of fun! Here are some pictures of his visit:


Our Trip to Vegas

Jillian ice skating

Mark got a Snuggie for his birthday while home...

Yes, that's right, you can even play Rock Bank while wearing the Snuggie :)

Jillan also enjoyed the Snuggie...and the book light. But really, that whole "one size fits all" thing..totally a gimmick.

Daddy and his girls

That's right, Emma started walking the DAY Mark got home. That's my girl!

Our Family

He's HOME!!!

After a week delay, and a 3 hour wait at the airport...Mark finally arrived home!

The Waiting Game

is for the birds!

With our experience the Army's motto is (or has always seemed to be) "Hurry Up and Wait!" Have I mentioned before that I am a very impatient person, therefore waiting just does not settle well with me :)

Mark was supposed to be here today. We only have one ring left on the countdown. So why he is not here yet???!!! Very legitimate question I think.

And of course the communication between Mark is I is ZERO. So I really have no idea what the hold up is, when I should be expecting a call or the like.

Saturday is our daughter's 1st Birthday. During the 3 delployments we have missed celebrating our own birthday's, anniversaries and other holidays, but we have yet to have to say that he has missed a birth of birthday of our children. We have been blessed that way. But, seriously, we are cutting it close here. And really I am just not sure I am up to partying without him here.

Let's just hope he will make it. I guess that's all we can do.

Ok, enough of the pity party. :)

Enjoying Life

I think finally after all these months of this deployment, I finally have a routine and am content. This being said simply due the fact that today was the first morning I was NOT late to church since my move in August:) Not really, but it did make me feel good.
We are almost HALF way through this "growing" time and I am grateful for that. But I am becoming even more grateful for the lessons being learned.

I smile because my girls continue to blossom and surprise me daily.
I am burdened that I have made several commitments or started projects that I have not stuck with or are unfinished.
But I am excusing myself because I always take on too much.

I have learned that:
I REALLY look forward to Monday's.

it is nothing more that imperative that I follow God's lead when it comes to where I am supposed to be, even if it not the "cool" choice.

my job is not to be a mother and father to my children in my husband's absence, instead is to be the best mother I can be. And ask for help when needed.

my girls are loved by so many. It is really breathtaking.

I can stand on my own, when necessary.

home is really where the heart is.

I have some of the greatest friends and family.
I really really value my time without my children.
I really really love the time I have with my children:)
I love my husband more with each breath I take.

I am beginning to realize that I think I do enjoy school. I know, hard to believe, but I believe it keeps me sane, and learning.
I have learned that I am a strong woman, commited wife and the best mom I know how to be.

This "season" has been tough. The hardest time for me thus far. But as I have had to remind myself 2 times before, I will say it again: for some reason God believed I was strong enough to do this AGAIN. So I will and I have...and I am still alive.

Pictures from the desert

Mark sent these pictures today.




The tent they live in.

Daddy!

Emma is 9 months old! I can't believe how fast she is growing. She seems to be expanding her vocabulary more every day. She is currently back to saying momma (yeah for me!), daddy, doggie, no, attempts "baby" and of course daddy...her favorite.

She woke up saturday (nov. 14) with her 3rd tooth, (her right front one). She can cruise along objects, push the push toy around the couch, bounces in the jumperoo like a crazy woman. She is doing well at attempting the sippy cup and insists on feeding herself. She is pretty much off of baby food, but we are trying to take it slow with table foods as she chokes pretty easy and has issues with digestion.

She LOVES: quesadillas, mum mums, babies, toast, "Kung Fu Panda" commercials..and LIFE!

She is a beautiful, happy, healthy growing girl!

Operation Morale Boost

As you know my husband is currently serving in Iraq. During his first 2 deployments he stayed very busy with little free time. This time is different. He is on a smaller base with a set schedule of a few hours a day and any other time is free time. If you ask me I would be very excited for some free time and extra sleep:), but for my husband and the other soldiers he works with, this is down time with really not much to do but think about their families and what they are missing back home. This can be tough on their morale. Some of the guys, including my husband, have hand held game systems and computers to watch movies on, but would appreciate having other options too.
So here is my mission: I am trying to get together board games, books, movies, puzzles/puzzle books, devotional books, balls and gloves, and even maybe some yarn and knitting needles:), or anything else you can think to help keep them active, to send to my husbands unit.
If you are willing to donate and/or mail them yourself I know they would appreciate it.

Here is his mailing address:
SGT Mark Shepherd
Team Bushmaster (PB Doria)
FOB Warrior, APO, AE 09338
Let me know if you have any questions or need any help, I will be glad to assist you.

Veterans Day

On this we day remember all of our military men and women. Thank you all for your service and sacrifice.

US Army 2003-Present
Operation Iraqi Freedom 2003-2004
Operation Iraqi Freedom 2005-2006
Operation Iraqi Freedom 2008-2009

And for our family especially, we Thank You Mark. Thank you for your sacrifice, thank you for putting your life on the line for our country, and thank you for giving your girls someone to call their hero.
We love and miss you. Come Home Soon!

Be Thankful

So I am not as good at this daily blog as my inspiration, I will work on it.
Today I am thankful for email. Yes I realize it is pretty lame, but really I am so thankful for it. During deployment #1, Mark never had email access until two weeks before his return. The email simply said "I will see you in about 2 weeks!". That was the best email I had ever received. During deployment #2, we had discovered the Yahoo Messenger and were able communicate often, almost daily sometimes. This was so nice, especially as my belly grew and then as Jillian grew. Now, during Deployment #3, we have SKYPE (a type of messenger) and email. If Mark calls, he calls right through the computer which is pretty neat. But we also have email. I have not really learned to appreciate until the last couple of days. Just a little side note here, my husband is not the best communicator. I love him to pieces, but he can be the most frustrating person to speak to sometimes (i love you dear:). If you have ever heard the term, "talking to a brick wall", well meet Mark, he is the brick wall:). On to my point: since we don't get tons of time to talk to each other on the phone and he writes much better than he speaks anyway, a friend suggested we start an email game. Here are the rules: ask up to 3 questions per email, ask anything you want, but be creative, and be honest with your answers. We have just been playing for a few days now and I am already learning tons about my lovely soul-mate....I thought I would share my favorite so far: (hope you don't mind honey:)

3. When did you know that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me?
3. I don't think that there was a specific moment that I realized I wanted to marry you. It was more of a culmination of things. In fact, I think when I realized that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you was when I would think of what my life would be like without you. When we were dating, I looked forward to seeing you everyday. When there were days that I didn't see you, I would be even more anxious to see you. Of course the thought of never seeing you or spending time with you ever again would make me upset. Even now, sometimes I have thoughts of losing you and it actually brings a tear to my eyes to think about losing the most important person in my life.

I love him:)

And if you think I am being mean to my husband about his communcation skills, read it for yourself:
2.If there is one thing that you could change about yourself what would it be and why?
2. If I could change one thing about myself I guess it would be better communication skills (especially with you). As you well know, it is very difficult for me to verbally express what I am feeling. I wish I could be like those guys in the Soap Opera's and say all the right things, because God knows that I think them. I just need the power to move the thoughts from my brain to my mouth.

he makes me smile:)

So anyway, I am very thankful for email, especially at this juncture in my life. I love being able to communicate with my husband in a different way.

i just miss him

Mark has been gone almost 2 months now. Somedays it seems like it is just flying by, other days I wonder if the day is ever gonna end. When Mark has been deployed in the past, he has always left in the Spring, therefore once Christmas came around, I was mentally and emotionally preparing for his return. This time is different. He will not be home anytime soon. I have to get through another Thanksgiving, Christmas, our Wedding Anniversary, Valentines Day, Emma's 1st Birthday, His Birthday, Easter, the whole Summer, and Jillian's 4th Birthday, before he will be home again. I really look forward to most holidays, but this year I am really not. The one person I want to be here with me during these special times will not be. I don't want to do this on my own. I don't like having to do the whole holiday thing without him. I want him to be here on Christmas Eve to read the Christmas story and wear goofy pajamas. I want him to be here on Christmas morning and watch the girls open their gifts. I want him to be here to put the new toys and gadgets together (he is the only one OCD enough to follow directions:) I just want him here. It sucks, and I am really hating it. I don't want to be expected to just be ok because it is almost over, I want it to be over and I know soon it will be. But it's not yet and he is missing out. Jillian is missing out. Emma is missing out. I am missing out. I am tired of this sacrifice. My heart is aching so much right now...I just want to see his face, I want the girls to see their daddy. I want to see his face when Emma says Daddy. I want this to be over. I just want to go to sleep, let all the holidays and special moments pass by, and then I want to wake up to welcome him home.

Pictures from Iraq

SINCE 2003....

So here it is. My first blog. Why is it only my first blog? Well, I'm a guy, and like most guys, I don't communicate my thoughts or feelings unless it is absolutely necessary to sustain life. I am, as they say, a man of few words. I never have been much of a writer either, so let me warn you now. My writing is consistantly choppy and non-linear. I switch between thoughts a lot and tend to end sentences abruptly, or run them on forever. Bear with me. So here we go, my Seinfeld blog. It's about nothing and everything all at once. It's about the thoughts that run through my head on a daily basis. It's about..... well, let me get on with it already. I am serving my third tour in Iraq and more importantly my last tour. I have been here for a little over a month and I can already tell that this is going to be the most difficult deployment of the three. It's not hard because of what is going on here in the giant sandbox. It is hard because of what I am missing out on at home. It all goes back to 2003. That's when I joined the Army and it's also when I married Paige, the woman of my dreams. Now I don't mean the supermodel running on the beach in a string bikini woman of my dreams. I mean the woman that all women should strive to be. Don't get me wrong, Paige is absolutely gorgeous. She is the most beautiful woman in my world, but that is not why I asked her to marry me. I married Paige because she is kind, tender, loving, and thoughtful. I married her because I can count on her, I can trust her, and I know that she will love me, support me, and stand by me when I need her the most. She is, like I said, the woman of my dreams. Unfortunately I deployed to Iraq shortly after we wed. It was a hard year in the desert, but it was a year spent looking foward to starting a new life with Paige. I really wasn't missing out on too much because we hadn't really started anything yet. I was home for a year before I deployed to Iraq again. Paige got pregnant about three months prior to that and I spent the next six months anxiously awaiting the day that I would be able to go home to welcome our baby girl into this world. Paige went into labor the day that I got home for leave and Jillian Grace Shepherd was born the next day. It was awesome, but I found myself unable to fully enjoy the moment knowing that I only had a couple of weeks before I would return to Iraq and complete my year long tour. Fortunately for me, most babies don't have any significant "firsts" until they are around six months old. Jillian was just starting to sit up on her own when I returned home from my second deployment, and I got to see her crawl. I got to see her first tooth, and I was there when she took her first steps. I am so thankful for all of this. Fast foward to 2008. Our second daughter, Emma Cate Shepherd was born on Valentines Day of this year. She is beautiful just like her sister and her mother. This is where it gets hard. It's hard because I have already missed out on so much. I wasn't there when Emma started crawling. I wasn't there to see her first tiny little tooth, and I will most likely not be there when she takes her first steps. Jillian is three now. She is learning so many new things and really starting to develop her very own unique personality. Paige says she's just like me. I take that as a compliment. What make me sad though, is that she's at that age where she knows I'm gone, but she doesn't really know why. I find myself wondering how she will react when I come home on leave. Will she jump into my arms when she sees me, or will she shy away, uncertain of what's going on? What makes this even worse is that I will only be home for a couple of weeks before I have to leave again. Will she feel abandoned? Will she think that I don't love her anymore? Hopefully she won't think any of these things, but I can't help but wonder. What about Paige? This is her third deployment too! She is at home without me, trying to manage the bills, raise the girls, and take care of me (with care-packages), all while going to school full time. I can't complain though. She is doing a great job! Thank you honey. I Love You! I wish I could be there to help her. After all, it is a man's responsibility to take care of his family. I am looking foward to the day when I can be home for good. Then I can take care of my family. Then the hardest times will be behind us.

Mark

*edit* Official address

We now have an offical address for Mark (different from the 1st one I gave).
Please do not send anything until after October 1:

SGT Mark Shepherd
Team Bushmaster (PB Doria)
FOB Warrior, APO, AE 09338

(I will keep up the address on my sidebar in case anyone would like to send him anything.)

Update on Mark's address

I have just been updated that they addess I previously posted for Mark, may not be good. I will send the new one or update on the current one as soon as I know. Either way, if you do send something, wait until AT LEAST Oct 1.

Mark's Address

This should be his address for the duration of the deployment.

Feel free to send any goodies, cards or just words of encouragement his way. It is always appreciated.
Please note: you are required to fill out a "customs" form at the post office that will then be attached to the box. Do not send anything that may melt, or go bad if in a box for over 2 weeks (it is hard to know how long it will take). Also, we are not supposed to send Bibles, or at least "Bible" is not supposed to be listed on the customs form, so I say, take your chance:) If you know ahead of time that you would like to send a box, I recommend trying to get a "flat rate" box. They are a flat fee no matter how much you put in the box, I think right now the cost is between $8 and $9. If you are in Colorado, they are normally just inside the doors.

Ideas for things to send:
car magazines
chips
movie snacks (mike n ikes, Swedish fish, etc)
pictures
books
cookies
beef jerky....
pretty much anything perishable

If you have any questions please let me know. I am happy to help and so thankful for your thoughtfulness.

PICTURES!!!!

Here are some pictures from our first couple of weeks here in Texas and our last visit with Mark...enjoy!


Our last family photo


Jillian & Emma with their Daddy picture...the next best thing:)


My Love



Daddy and the girls




Jillian started ballet class and preschool




Emma is learning to crawl!



and then theres me....attempting to multi-task:)

Update...

Whatever does not kill you can only make you stronger...right?! Lately I have felt like I am so close to that last breath, and then I hear an encouraging word, see a familiar face, hear Emma say Mama, or listen to Jillian when I am crying and she says "stop crying mommy, daddy be home soon"...:). What else can you do but just keep truckin'

Since we have moved to Texas we have kept pretty busy. I am back to school which is going well. I am actually excited about the knowledge that I will have at the end of the semester..(I guess if it does not kill you, maybe it makes you crazy;) Jillian started ballet class and it is so darn cute. She does not want to go until she gets there, but I think she is really liking it. Emma is all over the place! She is like a little inch worm, scooting and pushing herself across the floor..it is so cute:) She says Dada, Mama, and Baba, holds her own bottle, and that tooth is almost through. They are both growing so fast.

Mark left for Iraq, so now the countdown begins for his return home. I am hoping with all of the things we have going on that it will help time to fly.

I will update often and post his address as soon as I have it. Thanks for your continued support and prayers!

-I will get around to posting pictures again soon. My camera is dead and the charger is packed...somewhere:)