I typically try really hard to make this blog a positive, happy place...but not today.
I am exhausted.
I am glad Christmas is over. It was great. But it really really sucked not having Mark here. I think I cried more that day than I have since he left.
Emma is so attached to me I can barely move sometimes. I love her and I am ecstatic that she wants me and my attention...but constantly?!
Jillian is driving me up the wall. She is throwing fits/tantrums on a hourly basis lately.
Since Emma has been born, I feel like I am more aware of things going on. Emma can not sleep with lots of noise.
Jillian= LOTS of noise.
Not a good combination.
I lay Emma down, Jillian is loud, Emma wakes up, I get mad.
I always said my children will not sleep in my room or with me. Jillian has been sleeping in my room for months. It is easier, yes. But I feel like I can't have one space to myself. I can't go in late at night and do homework or watch tv or fold my 15 loads of laundry currently on my bed. When the tv turns on she thinks it has to be cartoons, or she cries, and then Emma wakes up.
It is a very evil cycle.
I am really hating this deployment.
I am more sad on a daily basis. I have so many people that love me and are here for me. but I am sad. I can't seem to get out of this funk. and my tantrum throwing 3 year old is not helping the matter.
I want this to be over.
Mark should be home for 2 weeks in the next 2 months. I can not wait.
I want to spend lots of family time, but can't decide how it is going to go.
Readjusting is extremely difficult. Nearly as hard as the deployment itself.
I have two weeks to spend every waking moment with the love of my life, except while I am at school, or Jillian is throwing a fit, or Emma is hungry, or something else.
I want him to come home. But I know he has to return 14 days after he gets here. I will get used to him being here. He will want a break from war. Just like I want a break from constant parenting and life without him. Jillian will be thrilled to have him home. Emma will finally have a face to put to the name, "daddy!"
I am extremely overwhelmed right now.
My emotions are all over the place. I am sad. Trying to be happy. Trying to enjoy the moment and my girls being little. Its seems to get harder each day.
I need a vacation.