Friday, May 8, 2009

Act II.... from the husband/dad

     So I have been meaning to contribute to the blog more since I wrote my first one here several months ago, but what can I say.... I'm a slacker. Just kidding (kind of). I have actually been very busy lately here in the sandbox. Busy working and busy thinking. I have a lot of things on my mind that I need to get out. Paige had her own version recently titled "Anxious". Let me tell you, I am also very anxious. This deployment had been going by pretty quickly up until about a few weeks ago. It seems almost as if time suddenly hit a brick wall. The days are crawling by, minute by minute. I think that as I come closer and closer to going home the time will continue to slow down and laugh in my face as I cringe with the waking of each day. Why is this happening? Well I think it is because I am anxious...... and because it is starting to get HOT!! Unfortunately my chosen job in the Army requires me to work outside, exposed to the elements. And lately those "elements" have come in the form of crazy hot desert sun heat. So, not only am I anxious, I am also miserable. I am anxious. I miss my family so much it hurts. This deployment has shown me just how hard it is to be away from your family. Before it was just Paige that I was away from, which still sucked, but adding two beautiful, wonderful, lovable little girls to the equation multiplies that heartache infinitely. I can't wait to be home with my family.
     As everyone knows I am leaving the Army when I return home from this deployment. I have been waiting for this for a long time. Unlike most jobs, you can't just quit the Army once you don't like it anymore. And really, it's not that I don't like the Army, it's that the disadvantages outweigh the benefits significantly in terms of deployments. I know that there is no way I could possibly endure another deployment away from my family and friends. And because of the uncertainties in the Army, you can never be guaranteed that you will not be deployed again. I am definitely not willing to take the risk by staying in for any longer than I have to after I return home. As excited as I am that I am finally stepping back into the "civilian" world, I am also worried. I know that our country will not be out of the recession anytime soon and I know that employment opportunities are becoming more and more scarce as the days go by. I read the paper nearly everyday and notice that the unemployment rate continues to grow despite everything the government is doing. Everyone continually reassures me that everything is going to be fine and that God will provide. But is everything going to be fine? How do they know? They're not the ones making the transition. They're not the ones giving up a safe, secure income to hopefully find something else in these trying times. It isn't just about getting a job. It's about finding and securing a job that will pay at least equal to what I make now. And without any kind of degree, I don't even know if that is possible. But at the same time it is something that HAS to be possible. Otherwise what am I to do? I obviously can't stay in the military. I have even looked into other options such as recruiting and changing my job in the Army. But like I said, there are no guarantees that I will be safe from deployment. Basically the Army owns you and can do with you whatever they like, generally speaking.
     Also, there is Paige who has been trying for years to get her degree only to be pushed back every time I deploy and she has to transfer back to Texas. And of course, for the sake of making money, colleges deny most of your credits from other schools. And yes, it IS only so that they can make more money. I for one think today's higher education is on the brink of conspiracy, but that is another topic for another day. Anyways, like I said, Paige has lost TONS of hard earned college credits because of the Army and because of greedy colleges. And I am not going to let that happen again. If I decided to stay in the Army, that would surely happen again.
     So as you can see, I have a lot on my plate right now, and seemingly not a lot of options as to what I can do about it. So, maybe someone out there can help me out a little. And if you know someone that can give me a job, that would be good too ;)



The Shepherd Family said...

"Dont worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus". Philippians 4:6-7

I have faith that everything will be fine, as hard as it is to believe, it will be good. Our family will be together, praising God for that, and in the end, that is all that matters.

Kim Harms said...

Amen to what Paige said. I know its scary to have such a big transition in life coming up... but with the scariness, there will also be so much to be thankful and joyful for! God will provide... :)