Saturday, November 1, 2008

i just miss him

Mark has been gone almost 2 months now. Somedays it seems like it is just flying by, other days I wonder if the day is ever gonna end. When Mark has been deployed in the past, he has always left in the Spring, therefore once Christmas came around, I was mentally and emotionally preparing for his return. This time is different. He will not be home anytime soon. I have to get through another Thanksgiving, Christmas, our Wedding Anniversary, Valentines Day, Emma's 1st Birthday, His Birthday, Easter, the whole Summer, and Jillian's 4th Birthday, before he will be home again. I really look forward to most holidays, but this year I am really not. The one person I want to be here with me during these special times will not be. I don't want to do this on my own. I don't like having to do the whole holiday thing without him. I want him to be here on Christmas Eve to read the Christmas story and wear goofy pajamas. I want him to be here on Christmas morning and watch the girls open their gifts. I want him to be here to put the new toys and gadgets together (he is the only one OCD enough to follow directions:) I just want him here. It sucks, and I am really hating it. I don't want to be expected to just be ok because it is almost over, I want it to be over and I know soon it will be. But it's not yet and he is missing out. Jillian is missing out. Emma is missing out. I am missing out. I am tired of this sacrifice. My heart is aching so much right now...I just want to see his face, I want the girls to see their daddy. I want to see his face when Emma says Daddy. I want this to be over. I just want to go to sleep, let all the holidays and special moments pass by, and then I want to wake up to welcome him home.

5 comments:

Joel said...

Paige, we love you guys and I cannot imagine what you are feeling but please know that you and Mark are always in my prayers and I look forward to the day your cute little family is all together. Let us help you when we can. See you and the girls soon I hope.

Kimberly said...

Bless you, Paige! I can only imagine how tough holidays can be! Your openness is a reminder to everyone to appreciate our loved ones and be thankful for your family for the painful sacrifice you make day in and day out. We love you guys! We continue to pray for your strength in these tough times!

Cheryl Hyatt said...

Paige: I see the hurt and lonesomeness in your eyes and wish that I could make it all better. You know that we love you and your girls and Mark and that we are here to help any way, any time. We pray for ALL of you daily. Our prayer is that the days will fly by and that your sweet little family will once again be reunited and happy together on the acreage and your new home. Keep your chin up; and, remember, I am only a phone call away.

Denyse said...

Know that you have tons of people who love you and lift you up in prayer each day. Keep posting pics, blogging, and communicating with us so that those around don't just assume that "everything's fine". But also remember that just because Mark's missing out, don't you miss out too. Enjoy those precious girls enough for the both of you until he's safely home. Easier said than done, I'm afraid, but well worth it in the long run.
Oh, and Joel won't even comment on MY blog, so you KNOW you must be special :)

The Shepherd Family said...

I am so thankful to have such wonderful people in our lives. I feel so loved and supported. This was exactly why I came back home.
Denyse, you right, I have to enjoy things enough for all of us, I will work on it. Our family is so blessed!