Saturday, November 1, 2008
i just miss him
Mark has been gone almost 2 months now. Somedays it seems like it is just flying by, other days I wonder if the day is ever gonna end. When Mark has been deployed in the past, he has always left in the Spring, therefore once Christmas came around, I was mentally and emotionally preparing for his return. This time is different. He will not be home anytime soon. I have to get through another Thanksgiving, Christmas, our Wedding Anniversary, Valentines Day, Emma's 1st Birthday, His Birthday, Easter, the whole Summer, and Jillian's 4th Birthday, before he will be home again. I really look forward to most holidays, but this year I am really not. The one person I want to be here with me during these special times will not be. I don't want to do this on my own. I don't like having to do the whole holiday thing without him. I want him to be here on Christmas Eve to read the Christmas story and wear goofy pajamas. I want him to be here on Christmas morning and watch the girls open their gifts. I want him to be here to put the new toys and gadgets together (he is the only one OCD enough to follow directions:) I just want him here. It sucks, and I am really hating it. I don't want to be expected to just be ok because it is almost over, I want it to be over and I know soon it will be. But it's not yet and he is missing out. Jillian is missing out. Emma is missing out. I am missing out. I am tired of this sacrifice. My heart is aching so much right now...I just want to see his face, I want the girls to see their daddy. I want to see his face when Emma says Daddy. I want this to be over. I just want to go to sleep, let all the holidays and special moments pass by, and then I want to wake up to welcome him home.