Saturday, June 14, 2008

I am not sure if I am ready for this...

Mark has been deployed 2 times since we have been married, but neither time did I have to worry about explaining to a child where Daddy is and when he is going to be back. This time is different, we have 2 children now. So my role is not only to help Jillian deal with the fact that Mark is gone for a while, but continue to be optimistic about his return to make it a priority to do whatever I can to let our little girls know who their dad is.
So the last couple of weeks I have been doing lots of reading/research on dealing with deployment with children, young children especially. There are books and videos, dolls and bears, pretty much anything you can think of to help you along on this scary journey. But even after reading everything and telling myself it will be fine, I am really beginning to have doubts. I am pretty high strung with very little patience as it is, how am I supposed to handle it all with him not here? I will have my parents and other family members/friends around for help, but still, can I do this? I am very scared...honestly I am a little more scared to get through this with 2 kids than I am for Mark to go at all. I know that we don't have a say in this and it is reality, so that part I have learned to just suck up. But what about when Jillian just needs her daddy, or Emma does something new that he is missing. What about when the holidays roll around and he is not there for am I going to do this? I have done this before and I have to do it again, I am just VERY VERY scared. My girls will have to be my strength to make it through each day and I will be theirs. God will take care of us all. And Mark will come home. That's it, that's all there is to it. I can do this, its ok to be scared, and it will be over soon....even though, he has not even left yet. This is gonna suck.

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